WITH RECKLESS ABANDON
Tonight I’m one happy mama. I’ve missed my babies (although really they’re not babies anymore) these last couple weeks. Terribly. I wanted to come back to them sooner. But I knew we had a task at hand that we needed complete focus to make good decisions. And the kids were with family. Having loads of fun, for sure. Much more fun than if they had been searching for homes and schools with us.
I am not normally all sentimental. But as we approached the house, tears welled up and my emotions overwhelmed me. For sure, I love my monkeys and I missed them. But a clarity swept over me. Leaving behind so many good friends made my heart cling ever more to those closest to me. These kids, along with my best friend/their dad, represented safety, security, constancy. Albeit a false sense of security. Isn’t it like us, to find ourselves clinging to something (or someone) just because it’s the only thing that we feel we can count on? It can be something good, like people we love, or something as wrecked as a sinful pattern – because it’s what we know. No matter what, it’s an incomplete and imperfect security.
Letting go can be scary. And it can be hard. But it can also be the most blessed gift. And it can be freedom. If only we find the grace to cast ourselves completely before Christ. Fully abandoned. Clinging to Him as our constant. He wants to be the one we always count on and believe. He wants our love, our full affection. Jesus doesn’t need us. But He desires relationship with us. And He knows how much we need Him. So He beckons us to draw near, to let go, and lean into Him, with reckless abandon. To let Him prove He is constant, secure, and safe. He is enough.
Tonight, I cried my tears, I squeezed my kids’ necks, and I spent time with them. But I released them from the expectation that they could satisfy or uplift me. Instead, I choose to thrust myself into the refuge of my Father’s arms and trust Him to be enough.